Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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