If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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