If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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