His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
