GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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