why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
