Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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