Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
