I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
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I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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