Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
