He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
