I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
