Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
