how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
