She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
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Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
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Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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