Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
