I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
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we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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