Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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