Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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