we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
