Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
