I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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