Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize