You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
