I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
