just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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