I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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