There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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