I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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