remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
