Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
