her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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