At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
