we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
being pregnant is like rehab
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
