Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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