She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
