so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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