we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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