wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just cropdusted the office
I got her a Nickelback box set.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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