so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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