90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
