life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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