he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
