she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize