Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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