i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize