He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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