i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
