so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
