so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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