walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
