Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
