I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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