a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
