it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
