GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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