Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
