Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
