I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
