I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
