I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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