Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
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If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
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On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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