My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
