Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
