I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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